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  • Writer's pictureJohn C. Parks

Did Your "Exes" Try To Come Back?

Games people play was a popular song in the 1970s. Are people just insensitive, cold, and determined to leave a path of wounded souls along the way. What is the underlying issues here? After a relationship has failed, why do exes return to the scene of the crime? Well, any good detective will tell you that criminals who are guilty can’t help but return to the scene of the crime; neither can we. After a relationship has ended and especially horribly, both parties should just move on. However, at some point the “Ex” will pop up and attempt to reinsert themselves into your life Like a criminal, they do damage and then they reappear. There are three primary reasons why our Exes attempt to return into our lives.


After a break up, some people move on in their lives. They do a complete makeover after picking up the pieces. Then, the day comes when the Exe sees the “new” you. . When the Exe is interested in getting to know the new you, there interest is not genuine. It’s more of a novelty. They are seeking to prove to themselves, and to you, that they didn’t make a mistake the first time around. They want to know if that nonchalant confidence you exuded when you jetted off after briefly chatting with them was the “new you or pretending. Again, if they are coming back because of your new look, their motives are selfish and they might as well stay gone.


Here’s a secret about some people that probably is not as obvious. Sometimes, they just want control. Many people experience periods in their lives where their most valuable talent was their ability to exert an unhealthy amount of control over the the other person in the relationship. This sort of control makes it impossible to build any sort of lasting relationship. If they can control you, they won’t respect you. They can pretend to, but, in reality they don’t. If a person who once had that sort of control over you reappears, they probably just want to see if they still have it. Be honest with yourself. If you’re unsure of whether or not you really are free, then when they come back, you need to RUN. JUST RUN. Don’t be embarrassed, don’t try to prove to anyone that you’re free, just run the other way because you’re about to go through that same thing you went through before.

Soul Tie

Of all of the reasons a person might reappear, this is the rarest. Sometimes, without us really realizing, a person can carve out a perfectly round little space in our hearts and lives. We leave them, thinking they’ll be the only one who experiences any loss, but, really, we lose too. Try as we may to fill that spot they left with the square pegs of another person or of other person, there’s always a certain amount of emptiness that remains. That emptiness feeling is a soul tie. Without understanding “soul ties," we wake up and decide that we’re going to give it another chance.

It is so important that we not be hasty or overly excited when an Exe pops up. It may not be obvious, but there is a reason. Is the person worth finding out the reason? I’ll leave that decision to you, but look out for the signals of the ambush.

Have you ever had someone to pop back into your life of a former love you’d been with previously? How did things turn out the first time and how did things turn out the second time around? Let’s Talk About It. For additional “whys” and “how tos” about having good relationships, please get a copy of my new book, “Why Good People Get into Bad Relationships. Go to http://www.thegatheringin, and click store. We will ship your order directly to you. Thank you.

Bishop John C. Parks

Author, Senior Pastor, Blogger

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