John C. Parks
IS IT THE LACK OF CHEMISTRY OR CONNECTION IN FAILED RELATIONSHIPS? – PART I
We all have done it. We meet someone and have an immediate interest in them. First, the physical attraction catches our eye and conjures up our imagination. We discover we have good chemistry and many things in common. However, six months later, we call our best friends to help with a borderline domestic violence issue, having heated arguments without remembering the issue, breaking up multiple times, or all of the above.
How could good chemistry and common interests overshadow the significant differences that lead to heartbreak? Then, some refuse to break up to maintain the status quo or prevent the embarrassment of another failed relationship. Consequently, these people become content never to achieve true happiness or love but settle for less.
Many people would argue that physical attraction and chemistry spark most love affairs. We ignore the need for acquiring someone with whom we are equally yoked, which hinders our involvement in God. The lack of this foundation brings people together for a short season. Relationships can form from the following three things: physical attraction, chemistry, and a connection, but let us not get the three mixed up.
· Physical attraction is the desire for or drawn to someone based solely on their outward appearance, which includes but is not limited to the way they dress, smell, or conduct themselves in public and private.
· Chemistry is a strong mutual attraction between two people that can stem from a meeting of the minds or being drawn to each other through intimacy that goes far beyond sex and physical attraction. Chemistry is based on fun and activities, and chemistry allows one to enjoy their waking hours enjoying what they enjoy. Unfortunately, there is no foundation to maintain the relationship or foster continual growth. The couple enjoys themselves until the differences in values, unresolved hurts, or low self-esteem issues become transparent.
· A Connection is based on direct interactions that are formed over time. It is a combination of mental, spiritual, emotional, and intimacy. The relationship is built on what the individuals bring to the table. The primary focus is not on having fun but instead on building deep trust, cooperation, and a bright future based on – purpose, shared values, mutual respect, and integrity
Chemistry and physical attraction are not enough to maintain a long-term relationship. Whereas these two attributes are temporarily rewarding, these attributes fade with time due to physical changes, physical limitations, and different personal development rates between individuals. THE DIFFERENCES
In this part I of this article, we will briefly compare the differences between chemistry and connection in relationships.
1. Chemistry is showing affection; a Connection is developing an attachment. The chemistry between two people is essential for any relationship to begin, and chemistry is automatic and unexpected. The difference between having chemistry and having a connection is that a connection develops over time and is about understanding the person behind the smile.
2. When you are attracted to someone, they may have something that interests you, something different from you. Having a connection with someone means that you have gotten to understand those differences. When you connect with someone, you can live with those differences and, more importantly, their faults.
3. A connection is when silence is impossible because you cannot stop talking even when you believe everything has been said. Chemistry needs the radio on when we are riding in a car, and a connection makes its music with words from the heart.
4. Chemistry is attraction; A connection is a trust. Chemistry is when you have an attraction to someone, and a connection is when you share things of value with someone.
5. A connection does not transcend words, and it transcends distance. There is no fear that your feelings will change when separation occurs.
6. Chemistry makes you want to be closer and affectionate. A connection allows you to be at a distance and makes you want to be closer.
It is a great feeling to build a relationship with someone on a level that only your heart and emotions can explain, but we must be careful not to confuse our hearts and minds in our search for love. When we do, we find ourselves in relationships that we realize we are not fully invested in later. Even worse, we can have hearts broken or become broken because we confuse someone’s physical attraction to us and the short-term chemistry we might have with them for a possible love connection. Be sure you know the difference between these things and what you feel so you can save yourself, or someone else, from heartache, misery, and unnecessary pain.
Stay tuned for Part II on April 20, 2022.
Bishop John C. Parks
April 13, 2022